Monday, 13 September 2010
Thar she blows
Stephen...be afraid. Be very afraid.... My stomach is making horrible noises. It sounds like it is speaking Whale, interspersed with intervals of bubbling lava noises. This cannot be good news!
Lawnmower Man
Bloke has a bit of a lawn mowing obsession. He used to frequently cut my front and back lawns whilst we were at work. I had never asked him to, but I think he thinks he was being neighbourly. (It is sometimes difficult to fathom the thought processes, if indeed there are any.) The problem with the well-intentioned mowing was that he would scalp the lawns and I ended up with bare patches and hack marks where the lawnmower dug in and gouged the soil. In an attempt to repair it I had a lawn treatment company come in, and used that as an excuse to get Stephen to explain to him why he couldn't cut the back lawn any more.
Unfortunately this didn't stop him cutting the front...and now I have turf wars between him and our other neighbour who also cuts it! I think this other neighbour is perhaps trying to stop Bloke marching up and down with the mower outside their sitting room windows 3 times a week, but it doesn't work. It simply means that the front grass gets cut 5 times a week now!! I have a hankering to gravel the front garden to aid my sanity. But I digress....
In a fairly recent development Bloke has taken to borrowing our lawnmower. I guess he knows that his mower chops the ground. However (and we've not really fathomed this out yet), he will often cut my front grass with his crappy mower (because we're at work and there is no access to our mower...maybe??), then borrow ours to cut his front lawn, back lawn and the grass which verges onto the road... This has been increasingly getting on my single remaining nerve - especially as I often can't cut my lawn as he has my mower. But there is an element of anything for a quiet life as it gets him out of our hair quicker when he pops round. However, yesterday may signal the end of the lawnmower borrowing....
We had just returned home from grocery shopping when Bloke appeared. He has the ability to appear from nowhere just as we're getting in or out of the car, so I do wonder if he hides in the bushes and waits for us in a slightly stalkerish way!! I think he has a bit of a man-crush on Stephen and finds me quite terrifying - I know my Mum used me as the "Bad Cop" when she was housesitting for us, so I think he now has a healthy fear of the devil-woman that I can become at the swish of a forked tail...!!!
He waited until I was carrying grocery bags into the house so he could speak to Stephen, and after a minute I could hear the lawnmower being wheeled round to his house, and shortly afterwards the sound of mowing. It went quiet pretty soon afterwards, but I figured that he'd been distracted by something...that would be unusual as he does love to mow, but you also have to balance that with having the attention span of Dory, the forgetful fish from Finding Nemo. Sometimes One Man forgets to mow his Meadow!!
A little while later there was a tap at the kitchen door. I could hear talking, and Stephen came back with a rather grim face. "Bloke has mowed over the lawnmower cable. He's agreed to get it repaired". You may ask how a sensible person manages to mow over the cable... and I would arch my eyebrow, purse my lips, roll my eyes and say "Exactly!". I am only glad that he had enough sense to plug it into an RCD (or at least I think he did!)...God knows what 240 volts would do to his brain cells! They would be clashing about in his skull like balls in a pinball machine. Ding ding ding ding.
The repair has been the cause of some teeth grinding from Stephen, as Bloke phoned to say that his friend was going to cut in new cable and mend it with those little white cable blocks that you use to connect wires together. Erm...NO BLOODY WAY! He didn't mow over some bit of out of the way cable. He mowed over the bit that drags along the ground through the (usually wet) grass!! I am very glad that Stephen obviously still loves me enough not to want me to be electrocuted during the first post-repair mow! He was quite firm on that one!!!! (Obviously he doesn't have enough life insurance on me yet!!) Bloke finally sent a text saying he was going to get the entire cable replaced and a very subdued Bloke dropped the repaired mower back off tonight. I wonder how long it will be before he asks to borrow it again?
Unfortunately this didn't stop him cutting the front...and now I have turf wars between him and our other neighbour who also cuts it! I think this other neighbour is perhaps trying to stop Bloke marching up and down with the mower outside their sitting room windows 3 times a week, but it doesn't work. It simply means that the front grass gets cut 5 times a week now!! I have a hankering to gravel the front garden to aid my sanity. But I digress....
In a fairly recent development Bloke has taken to borrowing our lawnmower. I guess he knows that his mower chops the ground. However (and we've not really fathomed this out yet), he will often cut my front grass with his crappy mower (because we're at work and there is no access to our mower...maybe??), then borrow ours to cut his front lawn, back lawn and the grass which verges onto the road... This has been increasingly getting on my single remaining nerve - especially as I often can't cut my lawn as he has my mower. But there is an element of anything for a quiet life as it gets him out of our hair quicker when he pops round. However, yesterday may signal the end of the lawnmower borrowing....
We had just returned home from grocery shopping when Bloke appeared. He has the ability to appear from nowhere just as we're getting in or out of the car, so I do wonder if he hides in the bushes and waits for us in a slightly stalkerish way!! I think he has a bit of a man-crush on Stephen and finds me quite terrifying - I know my Mum used me as the "Bad Cop" when she was housesitting for us, so I think he now has a healthy fear of the devil-woman that I can become at the swish of a forked tail...!!!
He waited until I was carrying grocery bags into the house so he could speak to Stephen, and after a minute I could hear the lawnmower being wheeled round to his house, and shortly afterwards the sound of mowing. It went quiet pretty soon afterwards, but I figured that he'd been distracted by something...that would be unusual as he does love to mow, but you also have to balance that with having the attention span of Dory, the forgetful fish from Finding Nemo. Sometimes One Man forgets to mow his Meadow!!
A little while later there was a tap at the kitchen door. I could hear talking, and Stephen came back with a rather grim face. "Bloke has mowed over the lawnmower cable. He's agreed to get it repaired". You may ask how a sensible person manages to mow over the cable... and I would arch my eyebrow, purse my lips, roll my eyes and say "Exactly!". I am only glad that he had enough sense to plug it into an RCD (or at least I think he did!)...God knows what 240 volts would do to his brain cells! They would be clashing about in his skull like balls in a pinball machine. Ding ding ding ding.
The repair has been the cause of some teeth grinding from Stephen, as Bloke phoned to say that his friend was going to cut in new cable and mend it with those little white cable blocks that you use to connect wires together. Erm...NO BLOODY WAY! He didn't mow over some bit of out of the way cable. He mowed over the bit that drags along the ground through the (usually wet) grass!! I am very glad that Stephen obviously still loves me enough not to want me to be electrocuted during the first post-repair mow! He was quite firm on that one!!!! (Obviously he doesn't have enough life insurance on me yet!!) Bloke finally sent a text saying he was going to get the entire cable replaced and a very subdued Bloke dropped the repaired mower back off tonight. I wonder how long it will be before he asks to borrow it again?
Thursday, 9 September 2010
Big Game Hunting Pt 2
More gigantic spiders! I have a metal trash can in the sitting room. I happened to glance in it the other day and saw there was a big spider sitting in the bottom of it. I figured that as it was sheer sided and slippery, I could safely not worry unduly about it getting out.....but, of course, I had to check the next day as you can't be too careful...and found another spider in there! Great - a spider catching and containment device! How wonderful! I could relax and get Stephen to deal with it when he got back. I totally forgot about them for a few days (bad me!) then had a peek....to my horror there were NO spiders in there!! However, there was a spiders leg.... I can only imagine that they either helped each other over the top, but one lost a limb in the process...or they ate one another! Euugh!!!
Watch out for me on You've Been Framed
Let me set the scene for my embarrassment....we work on a site that has security gates and CCTV. To get in you need to swipe a little card through a little reader which is placed conveniently at car height right beside the gate. Do it right and the gates magically open and you can drive through. Do it wrong and you'll be featuring on the guards Christmas "You've been framed" tape...
Stephen and I normally drive to work together. We work in the same place, the same building in fact!, so it makes sound economic and ecological sense to do so. He normally drives and deals with the gate opening thing whilst I try and work myself into a more agreeable mood prior to speaking to my co-workers. The other day he was off gallivanting somewhere, so I was on my own on doing the gate thing. I lined up behind the car in front and got to the swipe, opened my window, stuck my arm out....and discovered the the man in front obviously had orangutan arms and my little short arms wouldn't reach! I was miles short - a good 4 inches at least. Not only that, but I couldn't open the car door as it was too close to the swipey device/brick plinth. So what do you do?
Firstly you pray that no-one is behind you! (They weren't)
Secondly you push back the seat and remove your seatbelt.
Thirdly you try and hang out the window and kneel on the seat in order to get a bit closer.
Fourthly, as you've successfully swiped and the gates are opening, you try to get your torso back in the car and get the seat to where you can reach the pedals to get through the gate before it shuts again!!
I'm sure I could hear the laughter as I drove past...!
Stephen and I normally drive to work together. We work in the same place, the same building in fact!, so it makes sound economic and ecological sense to do so. He normally drives and deals with the gate opening thing whilst I try and work myself into a more agreeable mood prior to speaking to my co-workers. The other day he was off gallivanting somewhere, so I was on my own on doing the gate thing. I lined up behind the car in front and got to the swipe, opened my window, stuck my arm out....and discovered the the man in front obviously had orangutan arms and my little short arms wouldn't reach! I was miles short - a good 4 inches at least. Not only that, but I couldn't open the car door as it was too close to the swipey device/brick plinth. So what do you do?
Firstly you pray that no-one is behind you! (They weren't)
Secondly you push back the seat and remove your seatbelt.
Thirdly you try and hang out the window and kneel on the seat in order to get a bit closer.
Fourthly, as you've successfully swiped and the gates are opening, you try to get your torso back in the car and get the seat to where you can reach the pedals to get through the gate before it shuts again!!
I'm sure I could hear the laughter as I drove past...!
The Great Escape begins...
Richard has made it out through the tunnel to the outside world. He left work on Friday and we miss him!! (Although we did see him on Saturday and tonight...!)
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| The gang gather together to say goodbye to Richard |
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| Its not a decent leaving do unless you're face down on the table.... |
Photees of Embra
A poster for the lovely and very talented Camille O'Sullivan
Waiting in line to see the aforementioned lovely and talented Camille O'Sullivan!
The bloke from Still Game was right in front of me...If I'd spotted who he was earlier I'd have tried for a sneaky photo!!
The bloke from Still Game was right in front of me...If I'd spotted who he was earlier I'd have tried for a sneaky photo!!
Starbucks!!!!!
L-R: Mama, Eve, Moi and Stephen
L-R: Mama, Eve, Moi and Stephen
"Stockie" in his very fetching minidress!
One of the Fringe acts performing on the Royal Mile
Mum, Chad and Eve hanging out at the Pleasance Courtyard.
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| Pretty whirlie things decorating the courtyard wall. |
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| The smallest venue on the Fringe! |
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| Mmmmmm.....pizzzzzzzza |
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| Edinburgh is built on hills y'know and we started at the bottom of one ...and were very glad to flag down a cab halfway up!! |
Tuesday, 7 September 2010
Buuuuuurp
I've had a rather unpleasant time over the weekend. Something I ate didn't agree with me. Now, the immediate effects of that were unpleasant, but the after effects of the unpleasantness was just horrible! Imagine a half-full bottle of soda, add a little sulphur (yes, it was that yuk) and shake vigorously....and you have my stomach on Sunday/Monday. It was like a pressurised container...and every now and again one or other of the safely valves would blow....
Well, I say every now and again....actually it was every time I moved! I'd stand up...buuuurp. Sit down....buuurp. Roll over...buuuurp. I felt really sorry for Stephen. It can't have been nice to witness his wife turn into Jim Royle (minus most of the facial hair)....never mind having to listen to the Symphony for Wind..instruments I was composing in my hours in the loo. I'm sure the whole neighbourhood was also enjoying that one as it reverberated round the pipes.... My goodness I could have solved the UK's energy crisis if they'd erected a wind turbine outside.... I hope never to suffer like that again!!
Well, I say every now and again....actually it was every time I moved! I'd stand up...buuuurp. Sit down....buuurp. Roll over...buuuurp. I felt really sorry for Stephen. It can't have been nice to witness his wife turn into Jim Royle (minus most of the facial hair)....never mind having to listen to the Symphony for Wind..instruments I was composing in my hours in the loo. I'm sure the whole neighbourhood was also enjoying that one as it reverberated round the pipes.... My goodness I could have solved the UK's energy crisis if they'd erected a wind turbine outside.... I hope never to suffer like that again!!
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