"OH. MY. GOD! Are you kidding me? Seriously, are you freakin' kidding me?? China? You're deporting me to China? I'm an American, man... Look at my passport...not the photo, it wasn't my best day - my mascara ran, I've got panda-eyes...Look at it, look at it, it says United States of America on the cover... Call the State Department! In fact, forget Hillary. Call the President! They can't expect me to leave my lovely life here in DC and go to China. Look at all these people out there... they love me... they're here to see ME! You can't disappoint my fans and send me to China! I'M A CELEBRITY! I don't care if it was part of my parents contract. BREAK IT! Get me a lawyer now! Phone Rob. I hear he's excellent... And what happens about the food? I mean, I get tons of the very finest bamboo shoots delivered by room service every day and I'd have to, what, like, FORAGE? in China. I DON'T THINK SO! This is so totally not going to happen. I'm like, totally, not going to go...Where is China anyway?"
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