I'm a Goddess of domesticity

Life is SO unfair! How come I can have grey hair, crows feet AND spots? I had the most enormous spot on my neck last week...It was so big it must have been visible from space! I don't know what surfeit of hormones has brought this plague of boils on, but it seems to have subsided now - thank goodness!!

Perhaps the hormones would explain why I've also been a crabbit wee besom for the past few days! Something has done it! I didn't have any patience for Stephen's helpless routine!! "Is the dishwasher clean or dirty?" he asks. "Open the door and look inside. Its a good indication!" I snap. Why, oh why, am I expected to know the location and state of everything in the house?? Stephen's version of looking for something is to move one item and declare he can't find it and ask me.... argh!! I'm normally Mrs Patience, but...! Poor thing is probably traumatised!!

We went to the homeware branch of TK Maxx the other day. It has newly opened in Worcester and is fabulous! I walked in and was greeted by Halloween goodies (not something you see here much) and I was transported straight back to Old Town. How wonderful it was! And the best thing is there is a Electronics store "Man Creche" right next door, so we can get on with the business of bargain hunting in peace!

Its not always a good idea to let Stephen off the leash when shopping though. He went off to the meat counter in the grocery store to get a couple of steaks for the barbie. I couldn't believe the size of them when we opened the package up! Never mind "Petite Fillet" these were "Extra-Grande Fillet"!! This was practically the entire fillet from a super-sized cow! We ended up cutting each fillet in half and freezing the spares, and even then there was a lot of steak on the plate!! It was delicious, but there really is a limit to how much red meat I can face at one sitting!!!

In a moment of domesticity I made an apple and blueberry crumble yesterday. Just call me Nigella - for I AM a domestic goddess! Of course, it didn't quite go according to plan! So perhaps I'm more Bridget Jones than Nigella (blue soup anyone?). It would seem that my rarely used baking accoutrement is still packed in boxes in the loft as I ended up making the crumble topping in my salad bowl as I couldn't find a mixing bowl . It did double duty as I then couldn't find a deep enough dish to take the filling and the topping in order to bake it...so I ended up with a very flat and wide crumble!! It does taste great even if it looks a little odd.

The other domestic-goddessy thing that I did at the weekend was to order a sewing machine. Okay - those of you who remember my sewing classes at school can stop sniggering now! I was horrified last time I got a quote for curtains for our sitting room (we have 3 large-ish windows and it was nearly a thousand quid), so I thought...how hard can it be to sew large rectangles of fabric and sew on header tapes? Exactly - even an idiot like me can do that.... God, I hope I can do that...! My problem at school was that I found it difficult to sew a straight line - something to do with being hard on the accelerator! The fabric would whoosh through at 70mph and I would lose control...my seams were more like the B4178 than the M1 and I was forever ripping them out. I had been explaining the similarity my seams have to a twisting mountain pass to one of the ladies in work and had also been commenting on how amazing the machine embroidery that Julie does is, but I'd never be able to do something like that. She looked at me, laughed heartily and said "I don't know...by the sound of things you'd be excellent at it". If worst comes to worst I can try and pass my curtains, with their unintentionally crooked seams, off as works of art...

Do you ever look at art work and think "I could do that"? Stephen and I went to the Worcester Art Festival yesterday and we passed a stall where not only could I do that - I think I HAD done that!! It was a red canvas with some texture and some gold leaf - not a million miles away from the canvases I did last year in Old Town. In fact, not a million miles, barely even a couple of miles away from one of mine in style!! AND it had an 80 quid price tag... which makes me think the 50p that Guy got for mine at a car boot was probably a little cheap!! I hope the purchaser enjoys them! I had no space to hang them here and in the ruthless sorting out phase when we got back they all went to car boot.

Aside from this artist (of course!!) there was a distinct lack of worthwhile stalls. There was only one photography stall and some of the artists were rather...well not to my taste anyway! Remember the artist that used to do a show that's sometimes on TV late at night? He had a big afro and used a 4 inch decorators brush to make trees and the like...Bob someone... Well there was an artist there who did paintings in the style of Bob, and ran a course in how to paint like Bob. Judging by Bob's hairdo these shows were made in the 70's or early 80's and the style and subject matter of the painting reflects that. Who would buy it today? Not many of the folks there yesterday that's for sure!! Perhaps we've been spoiled by the fantastic arts festivals in and around Old Town which are superb but, if Old Town was the Premiership then this was the Vauxhall Conference League...

Problem solved!

Stephen and I have been swithering for weeks about what to do for my upcoming birthday. Its one of those birthdays where you either run away and hide somewhere until its all over, or you throw an enormous party and remain drunk for a week.... yes, that's right...I'm going to be 30 in a few weeks! (My nose is now growing like Pinocchio!!).

Being a run away and hide kind of person I was searching all the travel websites for great deals to exotic climes and found an absolutely fab deal for a week in Barbados at The House. I'm so happy!! We stayed there a few years ago when the hotel we'd booked had screwed up - so we got a free upgrade. You get your own personal Ambassador (who are all lovely) to take care of all your needs - drinks, restaurant reservations etc and it has a rather special ambiance - more like staying in a private villa than a hotel. I was having such a wonderful time I cried when we left!! So you can imagine that I was very, very happy when I saw the great price flick up onto the results box! Especially as I'd checked the Virgin website and it was considerably more expensive as there was only Upper Class flights available for the return....which did make me wonder how the other company would get us back on the self-same Virgin flight! But it let us book and the flights are confirmed so its their problem....I'll happily sit in the front of the plane if they ask me to!!!!

And, if that wasn't enough on the fantastic vacation bargains front - we'll be doing our Christmas shopping in New York this year! And eating our Christmas dinner there too....! A few days freezing in NYC sounds brilliant to me! I'll just have to buy lots of clothing layers to keep warm when I'm there!!

Three little birds...pitch by my doorstep...singing sweet songs

We went to see Zion, a Bob Marley tribute band, at Malvern theatres last night. As you may imagine there weren't so many Marley fans in Malvern - too many blue rinses in this town! - but those of us that were there were dancing, singing and having a great time!


I wasn't sure how it was going to be...we're normally full of rum punch, sitting on a terrace with the sea lapping the shore a few feet away when we're listening to the "sweet songs" of the various local Caribbean bands playing classic Bob Marley songs. But a pint of cider was an acceptable stand in for the rum punch and the songs travel very well. It was fantastic!


They played Redemption Song at the end - and about 4 seconds in I was welling up. As we were in the middle of the second row (and visible to the band) I do wonder if they expected to make someone cry!! Stephen had a moment of panic when "Bob" pointed at him during one song when we were being encouraged to join in and asked "do you know the words?". Actually yes! But then so did everyone else.

Burnt sausages and water fights

Yesterday was the annual Close BBQ and I'd like to say the day dawned bright and clear...but we're in England and the weather is never that co-operative! It was raining first thing and when that cleared up it was very very overcast and windy...this could be a lot of fun - chasing our sausages across the lawns when they are whisked away by the howling gale!!

Well thank goodness that by the time we actually began cooking the wind had dropped and the sun was beginning to peep out from behind the clouds every now and again. Stephen and I were woefully disorganised with the result that we were back and forward to our house every few minutes to get some essential like the basting brushes. Consequently we were just eating our mains when everyone else was onto dessert!!!

It has probably been about 4 years since we were actually at the BBQ, so that's 4 years since "The Water Fight". I had disappeared early to plant a few things I bought and could hear lots of shrieking and laughing...Stephen appeared shortly after absolutely SOAKED through!! He'd been having a water fight with the kids - including Louise. Now, Louise has been hoping for a replay since that moment 4 years ago...and she was not going to be thwarted!! Out came the super soaker and a sneaky squirt under the table got Stephen good. Right down the front of his trousers! It looked like he'd had a little 'accident'!! Needless to say it escalated from there!! Both were soaked within a few minutes - especially as Stephen, in retaliation for a soaker attack on his shirt, got a bottle of water and tipped it down the back of Lou's neck! That required that his mummy (ie me!) took him aside for a talking to as the more elderly of our neighbours were looking a little nervous...

Stephen, what did you have dry cleaned in California?

So....not only did our excursions whilst on vacation in Egypt involve getting up at 3 in the morning and coincide with us being sick, but also meant our credit card details have been sold round the world!! Wot all-round deep and unsurpassed joy.

We got the credit card bill for the card we used for the excursions and were puzzled by charges for dry cleaning in California. When we phoned we discovered that there were charges from all over the world which the bank had already picked up and filtered out. Remember that we had all the problems with the payment being accepted at the time? I wonder if they kept us changing cards until they found one they could rip the details from...

Mind you, I'm blaming Ahmed and it might be the usual culprits I suppose - the petrol stations. It was they who were to blame last time. Why are people so dishonest? Grrrrr......

10 years younger

When we were out for dinner last weekend Stephen had been talking about his ever-improving prowess with Photoshop and said, in his usual gallant way, he could make me look 10 years younger with a few waves of his mouse. There was a ripple of "I can't believe he said that - and she hasn't killed him" then, as our friends are much more gallant and polite that Stephen (I think he may have been dragged up during his formative years) they all insisted that there would be no need to make me look 10 years younger. In fact to do so would be impossible as I would revert back to looking like a mere infant...etc etc

Anyway - it turns out that he was correct. He CAN make me look 10 years younger....

Before

After

Its bloody scary! I didn't realise my crows feet were so bad until my face was larger than life size on screen with every wrinkle and pore magnified. Time for botox!!!

Summer is back - but for how long?

Summer is back!! YAY! It has not rained for 3 days now - which is amazing considering it was miserable and rained every day for most of July.

After a day in the garden hacking back the shrubs by the gate (so I could exit without getting soaked by the leaves when it rains - which is most of the time!) I had sore arms from wielding the loppers, scratches from the nasty thorny thing I didn't know was in there and a rash from the sap. After I had done all the hard work (it is "my" garden as Stephen keeps telling me!)Stephen called the guy from next door and the pair of them loaded the cuttings into his van and took them off to their family Christmas Tree farm to go onto the bonfire.

After a day spent playing with photoshop and doing sudoku whilst watching me do hard physical labour, Stephen offered to grill dinner. Just as well really as I'd have brained him if he'd asked me to make it!! We popped round to Sainsbury's for some groceries and to check whether they still had their bargain prices on Veuve Cliquot champagne, which they didn't - tres disappointing.

We had a really nice evening drinking fizz, eating grilled steak and listening to my ipod by candlelight. We even had a little dance to Beyonce's version of "At Last" before retreating inside for warmth - although I think we're lacking the moves that the Obama's had on Inauguration Day!

Off we go to the circus

What a whirl of activity our social life has been this week! We've had dinner with Richard, Justine, Steve and Graham at a most excellent country pub. We met Chris for dinner in Ask - and had a very strange experience with the waiter! When Stephen was off collecting Chris from the bar where he was waiting for us, the waiter showed me to the table.
"I recognise you from somewhere"
"Oh-oh, really?"
"Yes....did you buy and Audi?"
"Yes"
"Its Mr & Mrs Spark isn't it?"
"Crikey - you're good! That's a bit scary!"
I have no recollection of having seen this guy at the dealership at all. But he was able to tell us that it was Martin that sold us the car, what kind of car it was and what colour. Spooky!!

Then the following night we had a curry with Richard, Kate and Tom. We went to Zam Zams - the food was delicious, but the wine let us down rather. You have to take your own wine so we'd all popped into the wine shop. Their chilled wine selection was exceedingly poor! It was mostly dodgy stuff from a local vineyard, so I ended up with a bottle of Californian paint stripper which cost four quid as that was the best they had. Ah well. At least it stopped me drinking it and saved the sore head the next day!

We had decided to go for a meal at the Fig Tree on Friday night. We did that and so much more too! I had spotted that Le Grande Cirque were performing at Malvern Theatres so we stopped in on the way home and got stand-by tickets for the 8:30 show. So not only did we have an absolutely gorgeous pre-theatre meal (the food there is stunning), but we saw quite a spectacle at the Theatre.

Oh My God, these people are incredibly fit, strong and flexible. What amazing feats of balance and strength. It was awesome! We had a great time. There was a big burst of streamers at the end of the shop and one giant silver streamer pooled neatly down into my lap so I had a fun time on the walk back to the car pretending to be the Silver Lady with my streamers flowing and flapping behind me. (Did I mention I'd had wine with dinner?)

Mmmmm....coffee........

Hey! Guess what we bought at the weekend? An espresso machine - yay! It's the kind that takes the capsules (a lot less trouble that dealing with all those grounds). It makes delicious espresso's and - this is the great bit! - it makes latte's too! In a matter of a mere 90 seconds I can have a delicious latte... FANTASTIC! I am totally hyper most of the time now...!

Oink?

I woke on the Saturday after Eastnor with a sore throat and one blocked nostril. There were some weird moments when I was practically walking in a circle as my balance had gone, but that didn't stop me getting my hair cut (I'm a girl with her priorities right!). By evening I was a sick girlie. I was getting worried that I was going to be going oink oink as I was feeling absolutely awful, but thank goodness it was a bad cold and not swine flu. I didn't make it out of bed on Sunday until the evening when I woke up ravenous (surely another sign of a cold rather than flu - "starve a fever, feed a cold"). Stephen had failed to make it to a grocery shop so he suggested pizza. "What kind do you want?" "Chinese" and because I was the ill person I got to dictate for once! Yay! Bring on the Sweet & Sour Chicken and Egg Fried Rice.

I was at home for the whole week. Thank goodness for remote logon, so I could work from home. I tried to go into work on Thursday. I got up, got showered and washed my hair, dried it and immediately got back into bed feeling absolutely rotten. It took a full week before I was feeling human again, but I'm feeling reasonably perky now.

If music be the food of love, play on

We've been braving the summer weather again. (Where did the sunshine go? It has rained almost every day in July!) We spent last Friday on the Terrace at Eastnor Castle watching a bit of Shakespeare. How terribly cultural! It was performed by an all-male cast in proper Shakespearean tradition so, as it was Twelth Night, we had men, playing women, playing men. It was exceedingly good!

We were there for doors opening so go a pretty good spot near the front - close enough to see and hear, but far enough from the front that we weren't starring in the production. We got settled in, dug out the picnic and opened the fizz. It is a truly stirring sound - the virtually simultaneous popping of 40-odd corks. It was a veritable salvo of synchronised popping to the silent 1812 overture playing in our heads!

I was too busy listening to the silent 1812 overture to pay much attention to what Stephen was saying. Which is why I did a double take before bursting into hysterical laughter when he spoke to me. He was brandishing a camera and a bottle of fizz when he said to me "blah, blah...get you... top off, take your photo". Queue choking/laughter.... Of course, what he actually said was "we'll get you a top up and take your photo"... Thank goodness he wasn't actually suggesting that I begin my Page 3 modelling career!!

We only had one small downpour to contend with, but it did get a bit chilly. I had my cozy fleece (with a hood) and the picnic blanket for my knees, but I really could have done with my pashmina too. I had forgotten how many clothes its necessary to take to an evening picnic in England!

A lovely summers evening in England - only a hooded fleece required to keep warm!!

We only had to dodge one shower - any more would have diluted the champagne

The all male cast in action