Sunday 23 May 2010

Anniversary photo

Looking very shiny...and happy...on our 20th wedding anniversary.

Happy Anniversary to us...

Tuesday 18th May was our 20th wedding anniversary. I have now been married half my life... and still loving it!

We had a lovely day - breakfast, pool, lunch, jewellery, sun downers on the deck, cocktails at the bar and dinner in the Trysting Place where they had decorated the table with confetti and put the wedding covers on the seats.

"She's sitting on the throne" said the waiter as he settled me in my seat.
"shnorkhehe...um thank you" I replied as I tried to stifle the giggle.... "Sitting on the Throne" in Scotland means sitting on the loo...

Stunning Saint Loo-shah

There were armed police on the jetway, scoping out everyone getting on the plane. I thought this was a bit extreme as Stephen hadn't been THAT stroppy.... However, Upper Class looked to be very empty so we guessed that there was someone "special" on the flight. Especially as three burly suited and booted blokes were inserted into the front of the immigration queue in St Lucia, apologising to us as they had to get on the same plane back. Hmmm...wonder who it was who was frolicking in the Caribbean surf this week....

Thankfully our cases made it to St Lucia at the same time as we did, so we do owe a thank you to the woman at check-in who was at least not vindictive...or perhaps there were no flights going anywhere far enough...

It takes over an hour to get to the hotel from the airport. We spent that hour in a taxi being driven by a lunatic. He was digital on the accelerator and the brake, and the steering too. I was feeling pretty sick after 1/2 hour. There were times when I had to shut my eyes and offer a quick prayer to whomever upstairs was listening...these times mostly coincided with us being stuck behind a truck which he decided to overtake from 2 cars behind, on a hill, on a blind bend... After a couple of these manoeuvres I was pretty sure that we were going to die horribly. Remember that, thanks to my tablets and consequent threat of projectile vomiting, I was stone cold sober...no cushion of alcohol to soften the peril assessment!

Rendezvous was wonderful. They've had a major refurbishment and it was kind of like turning up to meet your aunt who normally wears Marks & Spencer and finding her tricked out in Chanel. What makes the place special are the staff - and they all seemed to still be there, including our favorite barman Imran and our St Lucian auntie Angie...and they remembered us! Big hugs from all the staff in fact.

We spent the week just chillin'. Thankfully I only had to be sober the first night, as being on an all-inclusive holiday and not being allowed to have a drinkie would have been terrible! Especially as I could have champagne. I can also recommend: Spiced rum and ginger, passionfruit daiquiris, mango daiquiris and the rendezvous delight (it really was!).

Stephen often toddled off to the man-creche. He'd take a hobie cat out sailing or go take part in the activities like"fish a prize" and archery. I lay on my lounger and read books. Lots of books. Bliss! Man, it was hot though! And humid. Drip water on your shirt at lunchtime and it was still damp come dinner...

Our trip out was to the duty-free mall in the harbour. This was a fun trip! Its full of jewellery shops and when there are no cruise chips in port they are quiet and the staff are bored. Needless to say we went in them all! We had such fun in one shop...the two ladies were so funny and we wandered about from display to display in peals of laughter whilst they bedecked me in diamonds and rubies. Very clever on their part as I did end up with a couple of pieces that were gorgeous and I really liked. Very clever also to send these pieces to their display table at the managers cocktail party the next night to further tempt me! Sadly, they were rather expensive and the exchange rate wasn't great so we didn't buy them... we did have a D'oh moment when we looked in the jewellers window in Worcester on Saturday though...!

The check-in at St Lucia was absolutely great! No hassle. No Pressure. No Problem. And an upgrade to Upper Class - YES! The plane must have been oversold as there were lots of upgrades going on - we're not complaining!! It was a great flight....and a great holiday!

Virgin on disaster

Dear Sir Richard,

Richard, Richard, Richard...oh dearie me, what went wrong with your usually impeccable check-in procedures? For a start, there was a queue at the Upper Class check in desk at Gatwick. So much of a queue that one person didn't recognise it as being such and tried to walk to the front...as we had patiently waited along with everyone else, and as we were next, we were forced to politely point out that he needed to be standing behind the 20 people behind us, not in front. In hindsight, it might have been best to let him queue-jump...

To clear the waiting line before mutiny broke out, they opened up another couple of desks and off we trotted to check in. Now, I have to say here that usually Upper Class check-in is a total delight and the transaction is completed with utmost professionalism and speed. It is a fantastic perk of holding a gold card that you can use this check-in when travelling in other classes and makes a world of difference to the whole travel experience. However, this time I had to check my watch carefully to make sure it said Friday 14th, rather than 13th!

To begin with (and this should have been a clue) the lady asked Stephen for his travel itinerary. Usually you hand over the gold card and the passports and with a couple of keyboard taps they know exactly who you are and where you are flying to, leaving the way free to make pleasant conversation about other things. I always have the e-ticket, but haven't been asked for it in years! This threw him (it was only 06:30am and pre-coffee after all), but we handed it over. Then there was a very conspicuous checking of us against passport photos which made me feel like I was suspected of some heinous crime. Then came the time to check in the bags....

This is where the farce begins. This is where we realise that our check-in lady had been howked off the economy check-in and not schooled in the finer points of checking in the "important" people (and by important I mean impatient, bullish and demanding...). Checking in the hold baggage went fine. Virgin are very generous with their luggage allowance and we were, after all, only going away for a week. It was when we got to cabin baggage that the arguments began, tempers were frayed and toys were scattered liberally about the floor...

"Can I see your cabin baggage please?"
We dutifully lift it up. I have a shoulder bag and Stephen has a wheelie case with our cameras in it, and a laptop bag (both allowed according to baggage policy).
"Hmmm. I'll need to weigh it Sir"
Stephen dutifully puts the case on the scales.
"Hmmm. That's too heavy Sir. You'll need to check it."
"Its got all my camera equipment in it. I'm not going to check it"
"Well its too heavy. You'll need to check it"
"I'm NOT going to check it. It contains five grands worth of camera equipment"
"Well you're not allowed a bag that heavy"
"I've taken this bag on many flights with you"
"You might be allowed it in Upper Class Sir, but not in Economy"

WHAT?!? She mentioned the E word?? At the Upper Class desk?? Are you kidding me? What a terrible breach of etiquette!! Neither Stephen nor the check-in agent were budging...

"I'm a Gold Card holder. Call your Supervisor"

At this point my heart sank a little as Stephen became "that" man, but I stood back and watched the show...

"Sheila, this gentleman's bag is too heavy and he won't check it in"
"It has my camera equipment in it. I can't check it in"
"How heavy is it?"
"Its 9kgs. He's in Economy so the limit is 6kg" (again with the economy!)
"I've taken this bag on many flights with you and never had a problem. Has there been a change in policy?"
"No Sir"
"Then why am I being asked to check it now?"

By this time Stephen is beginning to steam at the ears. Sheila the supervisor probably had no choice but to back up her staff member against the agitated Scotsman...

"You'll need to split it up Sir. If a 9kg bag was to fall on a baby or toddler, then it would kill it and you'd be responsible."

At this point I did think that whilst this was probably true, surely a 6kg case would have the same effect or had they done laboratory testing to determine the exact baby-squishing weight? Hmmm, nevermind...better concentrate on the discussions.

By this point Stephen was opening the case and pulling all his camera gear out.

"What are you doing Sir?"
"Splitting it up"
"You can only take two items through security."
"You asked me to split it up, so I'm splitting it up"
"You can't take 4 pieces through security. What are you going to do with the case? Check it?"
"No"
"Who's bag is that?" She pointed to his laptop bag...
"Mine" he said. I think we both lasered her "don't push it" looks as she dropped that hot potato pretty quickly!

At this point I stepped in. The show had gone on long enough. Sister Mary-Kerry, UN Peace Envoy stepped in.

"Stephen, give me your camera bag and re-pack the rest. STEPHEN. Give me your camera bag." He handed it over and repacked the other stuff. Happiness all round? Nope...!

"I'm going to weigh the bag and write it on. They have scales at the gate so don't even think about repacking it before you fly".

Now...why, after the UN had brokered a peace deal that was acceptable to both sides, would you choose to lob in another grenade?? I dragged the incredibly irate Dr Spark off before warfare began and both sides dug themselves in for WW3. As it was, I was pretty confident that the baggage we had checked in would be winging its way to Sydney rather than St Lucia!!!

It took a couple of glasses of champagne in the lounge, and the purchase of an upgrade to premium economy to make him stop mutteringand gnashing his teeth....!

Wednesday 12 May 2010

No pedi pampering for me

I was in such a good mood yesterday morning, and it vanished so very quickly...

I had booked a pre-holiday pedicure at the gym in work which is now offering treatments one day a week. I duly turned up 5 minutes before my appointment and gave my name to the beautician, only to be met with a dirty look, a pointed stare at the watch and a bit of attitude.

"Gosh, I'm really sorry. I'm a few minutes early. Is that okay?"
"Your appointment was at 11am, so you're actually late. I've got someone else coming in now, so I can't take you today."

Now, this is me we're talking about. I do not get things like the time wrong. Its all about the details after all. I also have something of the Mr Darcy about me, in that once my good opinion is gone its very difficult to get it back. Needless to say I was not happy! Not with the fact that some dumbwit had put my appointment in the book incorrectly, but by the snotty attitude of someone who was young enough to be my daughter (OMG! Scary thought!). Plus, this was a pre-holiday pedicure. This meant that this was something else I was going to have to do in the precious few nights before heading off, along with deciding what to take, packing, colouring my hair, cleaning the kitchen floor, manicure, removal of all excess hair...well its a long pre-holiday list! The grumpiness descended....

I got an email confirming an appointment for a couple of weeks time and mentioning the "confusion"....so I was compelled to write back attaching the email stating my appointment was at 12, and also to suggest that if someone doesn't turn up she may want to phone them as I would have been able to make the 11am appointment if I'd known she was expecting me.... As I said...I was grumpy!! I may have to cancel the appointment now in case she tries to amputate my toes in revenge...!

Your teeth are fine, but...

I've been in pain for a couple of weeks. I put this down to clenching my jaw (which I know I do), but a trip to the dentist on Monday revealed an additional factor. I've got an infection and I'm now on antibiotics (the kind where you absolutely cannot even sniff alcohol for fear of projectile vomiting and falling down in a dead faint). What fun...!

In an attempt to be kind to my gums I stopped off at Boots and bought Corsodyl toothpaste and mouthwash. Oh. My. God. It is DISGUSTING! This stuff better be doing good, I tell you... The mouthwash is inoffensive, but the toothpaste....eugh! For a start it is a pinky-orangey colour which is just plain wrong... but add to that the fact that it contains mineral salts, thyme, peppermint, myhrr and other substances and its like brushing your teeth with salty toilet descaler. I nearly threw up the first time I used it! It does actually say on the packet that it may take a few weeks to get used to the distinctive taste.... Weeks? I'm supposed to persevere for weeks?? My gums better appreciate this!!!!

Tuesday 11 May 2010

Because I'm worth it...

As it costs me a bloomin' fortune to get a semi-permanent colour put through my hair and, as you can buy a home dye kit in Boots for six quid, I followed along where other women friends had blazed the trail before me and decided to DIY.

Well, the colour looks good, the grey is gone (except for the bits I couldn't see when I took my glasses off) and thanks to a liberal application of Vaseline to my forehead, my skin is still the same colour it should be (which is more than can be said when I go for a salon visit!). For six pounds and 20 minutes its not a bad result!

Of course, by the time I re-grout the bathroom and buy a new set of towels it might not be so cost-effective....

Getting some zzzzzz's

I had a wonderful nights totally uninterrupted sleep last night. Which made me realise how little that normally happens! When we got home after our extended holiday I woke up a couple of times and had absolutely no idea where I was.... We had slept in 5 beds in 2 weeks and the 6th bed was obviously a bed too far - even though it was ours!

Stephen also has a really annoying habit...he clings onto the duvet when he rolls over so all the covers end up on the floor and i end up freezing. Its been cold here for the past couple of weeks and I was evidently in no mood to put up with this on our first night back after hols. I apparently sat bolt upright (and I only have a dim recollection of this), grabbed the covers and yelled "Give me the covers you asshole". I guess that told him!!! I was more forgiving the following night when I decided to forgo the verbal abuse and just gave him an elbow in the ribs and heaved the covers back onto the bed.

All of this contributes to my lack of sleep and general morning grumpiness. I felt great this morning, not in the least grumpy and tired. How brilliant! Lets see how long it lasts...

Saturday 8 May 2010

I used to hate to epilate

With all this talk of Rosslyn Chapel, its appropriate to tell you that Kate has found the Holy Grail...and has shared its existence with me. Its what 50% of this planets population has been seeking since the dawn of time (or at least since the advent of skirts shorter than ankle length). Painless epilation is here!

I too have now bought this miracle of whirring, plucking parts encased in its plastic shell and can confirm (relatively) painless hair removal. I mean, its not entirely pain free, but aside from a squeak when I was de-furring my knees and my hobbit toes it really wasn't bad. Stephen didn't have to come and prise me off the ceiling or anything. It was as close to being okay as is possible to get when you're ripping the hair out by the roots!

The eighty quid I spent on this marvellous miracle was worth every penny!

The Sparks did not go to Edinburgh...

As a joke, Stephen's mum accused him of being in Scotland last weekend and not visiting her.
I want to categorically state that we definitely were NOT in Edinburgh last weekend. We absolutely did not fly up on Friday and spend the weekend with Eve and Chad. Nor did we have a meal with the family on Saturday. And there is absolutely no way we went to Rosslyn Chapel on Sunday to have a look around and gawp in awe at the Apprentice Pillar (and, no, its nothing to do with Suralan Sugar!).

It was definitely not us who were in Wildfire restaurant, or any of the bars around Charlotte Square and George Street on Friday. (Although there is a funny story about Wildfire. They had to check the booking (which we absolutely didn't make or turn up for) as there was a Spark who had been in for lunch, and had also booked in for Saturday night which threw them when they checked the diary and saw Spark on Friday too. In a "small world" moment, it turns out they were from Birmingham and had taken the train up that morning...which confused the staff further as I had explained our late booking due to flight times! I wonder if they were relations! It would have been funny to walk by and see a Stephen clone having dinner! But as we were nowhere near Edinburgh that was never going to happen...)

I also didn't get to have, for the first time in years, a White Pudding supper with saltnsauce....so I can't comment on its deliciousness and the succulence of the saltnsauce slathered chips. You can take the girl out of Edinburgh....and you absolutely cannot let her back for a quick visit!
I also cannot tell you that it was freezing, as I wasn't anywhere north of Worcester, and so I didn't have to go buy Stephen a Harris Tweed cap, nor did I in any way wind him up by buying him a "Jimmy" hat for a laugh.

Absolutely not us having a laugh and a coffee in Edinburgh