Virgin on disaster

Dear Sir Richard,

Richard, Richard, Richard...oh dearie me, what went wrong with your usually impeccable check-in procedures? For a start, there was a queue at the Upper Class check in desk at Gatwick. So much of a queue that one person didn't recognise it as being such and tried to walk to the front...as we had patiently waited along with everyone else, and as we were next, we were forced to politely point out that he needed to be standing behind the 20 people behind us, not in front. In hindsight, it might have been best to let him queue-jump...

To clear the waiting line before mutiny broke out, they opened up another couple of desks and off we trotted to check in. Now, I have to say here that usually Upper Class check-in is a total delight and the transaction is completed with utmost professionalism and speed. It is a fantastic perk of holding a gold card that you can use this check-in when travelling in other classes and makes a world of difference to the whole travel experience. However, this time I had to check my watch carefully to make sure it said Friday 14th, rather than 13th!

To begin with (and this should have been a clue) the lady asked Stephen for his travel itinerary. Usually you hand over the gold card and the passports and with a couple of keyboard taps they know exactly who you are and where you are flying to, leaving the way free to make pleasant conversation about other things. I always have the e-ticket, but haven't been asked for it in years! This threw him (it was only 06:30am and pre-coffee after all), but we handed it over. Then there was a very conspicuous checking of us against passport photos which made me feel like I was suspected of some heinous crime. Then came the time to check in the bags....

This is where the farce begins. This is where we realise that our check-in lady had been howked off the economy check-in and not schooled in the finer points of checking in the "important" people (and by important I mean impatient, bullish and demanding...). Checking in the hold baggage went fine. Virgin are very generous with their luggage allowance and we were, after all, only going away for a week. It was when we got to cabin baggage that the arguments began, tempers were frayed and toys were scattered liberally about the floor...

"Can I see your cabin baggage please?"
We dutifully lift it up. I have a shoulder bag and Stephen has a wheelie case with our cameras in it, and a laptop bag (both allowed according to baggage policy).
"Hmmm. I'll need to weigh it Sir"
Stephen dutifully puts the case on the scales.
"Hmmm. That's too heavy Sir. You'll need to check it."
"Its got all my camera equipment in it. I'm not going to check it"
"Well its too heavy. You'll need to check it"
"I'm NOT going to check it. It contains five grands worth of camera equipment"
"Well you're not allowed a bag that heavy"
"I've taken this bag on many flights with you"
"You might be allowed it in Upper Class Sir, but not in Economy"

WHAT?!? She mentioned the E word?? At the Upper Class desk?? Are you kidding me? What a terrible breach of etiquette!! Neither Stephen nor the check-in agent were budging...

"I'm a Gold Card holder. Call your Supervisor"

At this point my heart sank a little as Stephen became "that" man, but I stood back and watched the show...

"Sheila, this gentleman's bag is too heavy and he won't check it in"
"It has my camera equipment in it. I can't check it in"
"How heavy is it?"
"Its 9kgs. He's in Economy so the limit is 6kg" (again with the economy!)
"I've taken this bag on many flights with you and never had a problem. Has there been a change in policy?"
"No Sir"
"Then why am I being asked to check it now?"

By this time Stephen is beginning to steam at the ears. Sheila the supervisor probably had no choice but to back up her staff member against the agitated Scotsman...

"You'll need to split it up Sir. If a 9kg bag was to fall on a baby or toddler, then it would kill it and you'd be responsible."

At this point I did think that whilst this was probably true, surely a 6kg case would have the same effect or had they done laboratory testing to determine the exact baby-squishing weight? Hmmm, nevermind...better concentrate on the discussions.

By this point Stephen was opening the case and pulling all his camera gear out.

"What are you doing Sir?"
"Splitting it up"
"You can only take two items through security."
"You asked me to split it up, so I'm splitting it up"
"You can't take 4 pieces through security. What are you going to do with the case? Check it?"
"No"
"Who's bag is that?" She pointed to his laptop bag...
"Mine" he said. I think we both lasered her "don't push it" looks as she dropped that hot potato pretty quickly!

At this point I stepped in. The show had gone on long enough. Sister Mary-Kerry, UN Peace Envoy stepped in.

"Stephen, give me your camera bag and re-pack the rest. STEPHEN. Give me your camera bag." He handed it over and repacked the other stuff. Happiness all round? Nope...!

"I'm going to weigh the bag and write it on. They have scales at the gate so don't even think about repacking it before you fly".

Now...why, after the UN had brokered a peace deal that was acceptable to both sides, would you choose to lob in another grenade?? I dragged the incredibly irate Dr Spark off before warfare began and both sides dug themselves in for WW3. As it was, I was pretty confident that the baggage we had checked in would be winging its way to Sydney rather than St Lucia!!!

It took a couple of glasses of champagne in the lounge, and the purchase of an upgrade to premium economy to make him stop mutteringand gnashing his teeth....!